My Diabetes Secret

My Diabetes Secret

Nerve damage from Type I Diabetes is old news, right? Anybody ever admit it destroyed bowel control? Of course not. Nocturnal fecal incontinence means diapers at bedtime for me until I die, no carpet in the house and sleeping in a separate plastic covered bed. Cure? Hah! Effective treatment? Nope. Never leave home without wipes, spare clothes and trash bags. All of this for the last 15 years and at just 50 years old, I prefer not to think of the future. I’d take dialysis/blindness/amputations over this in a heartbeat. This is MY Diabetes Secret.

When people without diabetes say they feel hypoglycemic after skipping lunch, I want to punch them in the face. STFU, dumbass, your body works normally, you’re just hungry. YOU DONT KNOW the fear of death.

We held a fundraiser for the first time ever in my high school for diabetes this past November. Having people support my idea and help me with it was the best feeling I’ve ever felt.

Once you accept the fact that people are going to look, stare, ask, and question you about diabetes you will find an inner peace within yourself. It’s truly amazing. I’ve adopted this I don’t give a fuck attitude and it feels so much better than trying to hide my pump or meter.

I pay for medical equipment and I keep my levels as in control as possible. Yet a huge part of me wishes I never had access to this equipment or even to insulin. If I was born in the early 1900s I’d have been dead a long time ago. I feel like that was what nature wanted, just the medical world got involved.

sometimes it is really hard, to be so intimate with death. it really scares me to be completely honest. whenever i get upset, or have a bad day, my mind goes to how easy and quick it would be to end it all. most days, i go through all the motions and I am fine. but the bad days, it’s always in the back of my mind. no one would even know it was a suicide, it could have been a tragic mistake. it’s like a constantly carrying a noose around your neck, waiting for the one day you take the inevitable pull. it’s hard to live with that on your shoulders, and it really takes a toll on a person.

It’s scary to think that being born in one country could mean easy access to insulin, pumps, cgms etc. whereas being born in another could mean insulin itself is difficult to obtain

Are people in this community really so delusional to think that we can all get along and unite with one voice? The types being too much division, and when parents can’t get past their own kids, it’s obscene to think we will ever be united with one color, one message, one voice. This is why we will never have a movement like HIV/AIDS had. This kind of naive advocacy means we’re guaranteed to fail.


Managing diabetes doesn’t get any easier, you just get stronger