Once you accept the fact that people are going to look, stare, ask, and question you about diabetes you will find an inner peace within yourself. It’s truly amazing. I’ve adopted this I don’t give a fuck attitude and it feels so much better than trying to hide my pump or meter.
I pay for medical equipment and I keep my levels as in control as possible. Yet a huge part of me wishes I never had access to this equipment or even to insulin. If I was born in the early 1900s I’d have been dead a long time ago. I feel like that was what nature wanted, just the medical world got involved.
sometimes it is really hard, to be so intimate with death. it really scares me to be completely honest. whenever i get upset, or have a bad day, my mind goes to how easy and quick it would be to end it all. most days, i go through all the motions and I am fine. but the bad days, it’s always in the back of my mind. no one would even know it was a suicide, it could have been a tragic mistake. it’s like a constantly carrying a noose around your neck, waiting for the one day you take the inevitable pull. it’s hard to live with that on your shoulders, and it really takes a toll on a person.
Are people in this community really so delusional to think that we can all get along and unite with one voice? The types being too much division, and when parents can’t get past their own kids, it’s obscene to think we will ever be united with one color, one message, one voice. This is why we will never have a movement like HIV/AIDS had. This kind of naive advocacy means we’re guaranteed to fail.
uhm I’m jealous of the ALS ice bucket challenge and I feel like such a bad person because I agree that it needs support and awareness and those people need a chance.
But diabetes needs to be heard. It kills 73,000 people a year and hardly gets any donations. We need something and I just want the support in my life, but I make diabetes look too easy for anyone to notice anything. But I’m not making it look easy, I just don’t care anymore. I just need something. I need hope so when I tell someone diabetes, they don’t look at me with their eyes all glazed over. Because I’m done. And I don’t want the sympathy of people but I don’t want them to downplay diabetes just because they don’t have it deal with it like we do.
What the eff. I finally get enough courage to start talking to my family (after 45 years) about my diabetes management. I try to explain how my pump works, I try to explain how my CGM works. At a family gathering yesterday, I start beeping. first the PMD, yes, I know, I know, I need to remove the temp basil. Then the CGM, yes, I know, my glucose is dropping, eat something, beep beep beep beep. Dad, do you have any cookies, I need some fast sugar to mix in with my very low carb lunch? Sure, I have Oreo’s, you are welcome to them. My stupid sibling loudly states… BOY, YOU SURE TAKE ALL THE FUN OUT OF EATING.. WITH ALL THAT NOISE… WTF? Take all the fun out of eating. Are you kidding me? I’m trying to stay alive here, and I take all the fun out of eating. I could see if this was some young ignorant kid, but this is a registered nurse! Over 60 years old!